The Brief "CD 14 East Era" in the City of Montebello via "Parke Esqueleto"

 The brief home of "CD 14 East".

Inspiration for "Parque Esqueleto".

** Blogger Notes: As the LA Times reveals what many had suspected for years about the nefarious political dealings in the City of Montebello, we like to share with you the witty work of "thee greatest" Mayor Sam Satirist "Parque Esqueleto" who penned the definitive missive on a brief period of Montebello history known as the "CD 14 East Era" (** which the Times story today devotes a few paragraphs). Channeling the Downtown News "Scribe of Wit" Jon Regardie's love of theater, think of the great Sean Connery and Michael Caine Movie "Man Who Would Be King", then envision the CD 14 Political Trio of Robert Urteaga, John Edwards and former Councilman Nick Pacheco, boarding a Montebello Bus Lines coach on Whittier Blvd. and heading east in search of political riches ..... and we leave the rest to the wit of "Parque"---Scott Johnson

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Councilman Jose Huizar: "Rudy Martinez doesn't speak Spanish."

"Parque Esqueleto" is the bloggin prophet! From sometime back.
Or maybe in the words of "Parque Esqueleto", this is all part of the plan to ward off the challenge of Rudy Martinez?
Very typical. Common SG&A tactics. As they did in the 43rd race they have learned to gin up "progressive" bloggers to fight opponents SG&A can't beat on the merits by tossing around the racist and homophobe cards. Trujillo and SG&A will be working to save the quite troubled Jose Huizar; they are scared to death of opponent Rudy Martinez. They can't call Martinez, a Mexican, anti-Latino. So perhaps he hates "teh gheys." Maybe, just maybe, Trujillo will exercise the nuclear option and call Martinez a pocho.

Some months later, with Trujillo exile to the bloggin wilderness, leave it to Councilman Huizar to open his "political nuclear suitcase" and launch the first "pocho strike" of the campaign. More after the bloggin leap.......... 

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"Parque Esqueleto" seeks Chairmanship of LA Ethics Commission **

"Gosh durnit!! My plans leaked again"

[Had to delete the original - too many Spot-isms; try, try again]

After 10 years with the same person at the helm, the City's Ethics Commission now has to -- by law -- find a replacement for its Executive Director, and in classic L.A. fashion, has opened up a cattle call to cast this important supporting actor position, by this coming November.

It's high time for that. Not that Lee Ann Pelham has done a bad job, but the main ethics cop for a major City like L.A. deserves better than someone whose only real claim to fame was having a badly scripted move remake starring Denzel and Travolta, named after her.

The time has past where the good people of the City of Los Angeles, and their elected officials (not generally "good" people), should have to put up with the antics of this commission, and that's why today -- I am letting it be known that I will, myself, seek the Executive Director of Ethics position for L.A.

This isn't an elected or appointed position (although mayor & Council appointees do the hiring, so. . .) but that doesn't mean you can't all help me "win" that position.

Pester your favorite Ethics Commissioner, bribe them if you have to (hell, who's going to report THEM), but whatever you do, make sure I'm on the short list for that job, if you care anything about the abuse of "ethics" in the City, and want make sure it continues -- only with more precision and flare.

There will be NO foot-dragging such as some have suggested is happening with the Mayor's "Ticketgate" once I'm the Executive Director of City Ethics, for the simple reason that I will, (for budgetary reasons, of course), place a moratorium on investigating public officials -- especially if they're former clients of mine. Really, when was the last time the "fines" levied even made a dent in the cost of the investigation?

Instead, Ethics oversight will ONLY be used to beat down underfunded challengers of my friends and clients -- ridding us MUCH sooner in the process of those who just waste all of our time thinking they can "win" over incumbents.

(Let's get real. The little self-nominated "Davids" who keep popping up are pretty tiresome, don't you think. Goliaths are a HELL of a lot more fun to party with and accompany on junkets.)

If candidates can receive matching funds from the taxpayers for simply running for office, I say cut out the annoying middlemen, and just use the City's Ethics offices to assassinate the character of wanna-bes directly.

We can also reduce the department's budget by up to 80 percent, and get rid of all those troublesome starry-eyed employees who originally joined to help "clean up" City Government. Jeez, that's like thinking you can "rehab" Lindsay Lohan.

Oh, and I plan to have an honest and transparent regime. For that reason, the slogan of the operation will be changed to a more accurate (and more easily achievable), "Perverting the Public Trust.

"I'm also doing this to get the jump on and Wacko Walter and P. Jennerjahn, either of which would just plain WALLOW in the position's nearly $200,000 annual salary, wasting it on things like room and board. I can put it to much better use. I'm already RICH. I'll use it for pure luxuries, like vacating streets near my home, thus helping the local economy even more.

July 19, 2010 4:30 PM

** This is political satire at its best.

Your thoughts..............

Scott Johnson in CD 14

** Special Outtake from CD 14, Where "Cut and Pasting" leads to Political Office and Public Employment

Hola!! and post Mexican Independence Day Hangovers from all in the "Cut and Paste Barrio" of Cuidad de Los Angeles.

It is with pride that we can report here that one of the well-known figures in CD 14's "cut and paste folklore" has a new gig. We hand it over to CD 14 Political Satirist of Wit "Parque Esqueleto" to provide the details.

Er, Red Spit, what's with all this CD2 malarkey? Have you forgotten that it was the great CATORCE that made you infamous?

Why no mention of THIS news item??

(Or did you forget to tip the paperboy again last Xmas?)

Eastern Group Publications reports that as of last week the principality of Montebello is now CD14-EAST (even more so than ever before). Not only is former CD-14 losing campaign manager Robert Urteaga a city councilman there (and its Mayor P-T), but his former boss and one-time LA Councilman Lauro "NICK" Pacheco has been named Interim (asst.) City Administrator, so he can slide into the full-time spot when Montebello's current City Administrator retires in a couple months.

Got that? "Tricky Nicky" is back in the employ of the taxpayers.

Did Robert U. set all this up?

NAH, of course not, he says. A complete coincidence.

Get ready for numerous Montebello vacancies (current and soon-to-be created) to be filled with CD-14 related personalities.

Next we'll hear that ex-pat (read: "thrown out") Limey John Edwards has been named the Press Spokeshole for that City.

After that, ever-present 8-time loser ex-con Art Pulid-ito will no doubt be crowned GANG CZAR and part-time errand boy for Montebello. He'll immediately set about to lower the gang crime rate by funneling thousands of dollars of city revenue directly into the bank accounts of Mongols and other local gang members who will promise to ONLY kill people outside the city limits.

September 17, 2009 11:45 AM

Here is the link to the Eastern Group Publications story pertaining to the breaking developments in Montebello.

It is a good day when the former defeater of South Pasadena Carpetbagger Victor Griego, who was overwhelmed by numerous ACORN "streetwalkers", with help from some bad "cut and pasting" by his own campaign staff, who went the "ARRRT SNNNYDER Route" and last was seen pimping "extreme cholo makeovers", get a chance for a new gig on the public dime.

"Mijo Beto Urteaga" should be commended for looking after his PAPI.

Your "cut and paste" comments............

Outtakes from CD-14, The "Cut and Paste" Capital of Los Angeles.

Hola and TGIF, from the "Cut and Paste" Capital of Los Angeles, where 2011 cannot come soon enough.

We start today's outtakes with an salient commentary from the political wit that is "Parque Esqueleto", this in light of Councilman Jose Huizar's latest challenge with ethics and supposed outburst during a National Night Out Event at Hollenbeck Police Station.

** NOW now, children, to be fair, no one is really allowed to fill the "Arthur Snyder (pre)Memorial Council Seat" - aka, CM for CD14 - unless they are currently under investigation, have been within 3 months of running, or are expected to be by the time they pass their first 100 days. It's a RULE, and it's how you make your bones, and prove you're "good" people. It's also your buy-in to being an "OC" ("old councilman") once you leave. One old guy actually has his ethics' case numbers tattooed on the inside of his eyelids, so he can smirk about beating them any time he likes.

(Name the last CM here that wasn't "under" investigation more often than not, and I'll show you a G-D CARPETBAGGER).

Not only do we expect (and respect) it here, we get VERY suspicious if someone in that position goes more than a year without someone laying legal paper on them.

Don't get me wrong, we know they're STILL doing something thats "technically" illegal, it just worries us if they're too smart -- for too long -- to get caught.

It's the councilmember's who don't get investigated that you REALLY have to worry about.

(There's even a little-known standing rule that the swearing-in ceremony when they first take office in CD14 doubles for the one during depositions. It saves TONS of time have them "stay" sworn in for the full 4 years).

No worries, Jose, they can't PROVE a damn thing! And, if they can, we'll make sure none of your failthful actually believe it.

August 05, 2009 2:39 PM

Now the News:

** One of CD-14's oldest piece of "political bounty" for the connected, has been a Commission Appointment to El Pueblo De Los Angeles.

For years, many have been appointed to oversee operations at the Cultural Landmark but yet controversy and dubious accounting have been a mainstay.

Now the Eastern Group Publications becomes the P.R. medium for Councilman Jose Huizar's efforts to bring financial sustainability to L.A. oldest cultural landmark.

** Many CD-14 "cut and paste" veterans surely remember ex. City Councilman Nick Pacheco's former campaign duo of Robert Urteaga and John Edwards. Now, Montebello Councilman Robert Urteaga and his consulting sidekick are embroil in a controversy over the hiring of the Montebello Police Chief, promises of endorsements, and add allegations of racism. And one wonders why Urteaga faces a Recall.

** Former "Ass Clown Award Winner", Eliot Sekuler is one conflicted insider who right now couldn't "spin" his emotions. His loyalties are no doubt connected to the insiders who will advance his and employer Universal Entertainment's agenda. But one still has to walk through the neighborhood and withstand the "virtual vendido label" associated with his support for the Autry National Center agenda.

Now Sekuler is having seconds thoughts about being the "Minister of Spin" for the Autry and the "Southwest Society of Connected Vendidos y Venditas" This in the wake of the stonewall stance of the Autry over discussing the future of the Southwest Museum.

** EGP Headline: "City and County May Consolidate Redevelopment Projects for BioMed Tech Sector". Guess who is front, center, behind close doors, and shilling day and night for this merger ?? Can you say USC lobbyist and former Lincoln Heights Neighborhood Council Czar, David Galaviz.

But surprise, surprise who is opposing this merger is none other than the Lincoln Heights Neighborhood Council under the new, positive and refreshing leadership of Elena Popp.
No word whether Galaviz will attempt to get his childhood friend Councilman Huizar to send General Services Police to silence Popp.

** Your thoughts and remember that there is always a "In Box" and "Out Box" in CD-14, as noted by ex. Councilman Art Snyder, Just what is in the respective boxes will cause speculation and investigations, right Huizar ??

Parke speaks................................

He lurks, sighs, mutters, and for the right price, will spin you into the next political flavor of the moment.

The man, legend, sans the helmet, makes an public utterance in the heated race to replace Hilda Solis in the California 32nd Congressional District.

In yesterday's "PARKE SPINS THE OLD GRAY HAG ON SPRING STREET" (kinda like the old days when the Times accepted Parke's spin as the truth, remember Nick and "Madres of East Los Angeles"??), the guy who has his own private street in the hills above the masses in CD 1 & 14, makes light of State Senator Gil Cedillo claims that chief challenger, California State Board of Equalization Member Judy Chu gave "tax breaks and contracts" to her corporate campaign contributors.

.......and this response from Parke,

Parke Skelton, Chu's campaign consultant, said Cedillo (D-Los Angeles) "is misrepresenting her record. . . . Is he truly arguing that people who overpaid taxes can't get refunds?"

Memo to Parke,

Can you, out of the kindness of your heart, and ability to spin (pro bono of course), advocate that the fine citizens of Los Angeles are deserving of a 89% return of their tax dollars, for the lack of work by your former client from the hills of "Northern Boyle Heights", one Antonio Ramon Villar??

One may wonder what brought you out to "spin and double speak" for a "Friend of Villar (or should we say "slay a foe of Villar" in Cedillo??), but then maybe this is an audition for a larger gig..............

Wonder if "Parque" has any comments.

Disclosure on the "usage" of AnVil by "Parque"

As a public service, we bring you this from "Parque".

Gosh durn it, I don't know how Regardie found out about the branding plan, but so be it.

But, as with the similar sounding "Advil" we realize that “AnVil” will need to come with a detailed, but fine-print warning label. (We’re just waiting to find out if someone has to recite it very quickly in low tones under future campaigns ads or just during "state of the city" speeches?)

Here's the draft so far:

AnVil (generic name: Tony Villar)

"AnVil is a overly ambitious, underachieving career politician (OAU-CP). For more information, see:

80 FAKE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCHES

"AnVil may cause an increased and non-reversable drain on your already stressed belief in elected officials, and - if you're taxpayer - on your wallet, but will smile big while doing it, and tell its for your own good.

"Do not swallow anything AnVil says as truth especially if you are already taking a medication that makes you dizzy while operating heavy machinery.

"If you're a city worker whose job it IS to operate heavy machinery, don't worry about that in any event. The city's unions already have AnVil in their back pocket. Nothing more will be expected of you, except to get out the vote next election day.

"For some who take AnVil with anything more than a grain of salt. Don't.

"The risk of AnVil becoming habit forming has been found to be greater if you're already lonely, and have a father fixation. Ask Mirthala.

"Do not attempt to confront AnVil with embarrassing questions and a TV camera, which may result in you being thrown to the concrete or run down by LAPD officers on security detail.

"AnVil will most likely increase your risk of developing lowered expectations in what local government can produce -- if that's possible.

"Side effects can also include a complete depletion of any left-over idealism from the golden age of so-called 'progressive' politics.

"AnVil is not a 'Latino" candidate for public office (unless he happens to be addressing a predominantly Latino audience).

"AnVil will not actually 'clean your toilets' - so don't even ask, you little troll.

"Generally speaking, do not support AnVil if honesty is government is important to you, or if you once believe any such thing was possible.

"Elderly citizens, especially those who remember when city leaders at least tried to keep their promises, may be at greater risk of never bothering to vote again.

"Side affects may occur without any warning, but the most annoying are short-lived -- just sit it out until the 30-second AnVil sound-byte fades from the nightly local TV news.

"Consult your own moral or ethical compass if you ever again consider casting votes for AnVil or any of the politicans or propositions he supports. Or, contact your mental health practitioner immediately.

"Don't be concerned if you feel you are running short on your AnVil supply. AnVil only comes in "short."

"Do not store AnVil near women of any race or ethnicity under the age of 40, married or unmarried, and expect to find them there when you return.

"If you choose to ignore all the warnings on this label and still try to use AnVil -- then you obviously haven't been paying attention. People don't USE AnVil, he USES them."If you experience any or all of these symptoms after getting a dose of AnVil, of any size -- well . . . you're just one in 4 million.

"WELCOME TO THE DAMN CLUB!

May 14, 2008 4:34 PM