"Parque Esqueleto" seeks Chairmanship of LA Ethics Commission **

"Gosh durnit!! My plans leaked again"

[Had to delete the original - too many Spot-isms; try, try again]

After 10 years with the same person at the helm, the City's Ethics Commission now has to -- by law -- find a replacement for its Executive Director, and in classic L.A. fashion, has opened up a cattle call to cast this important supporting actor position, by this coming November.

It's high time for that. Not that Lee Ann Pelham has done a bad job, but the main ethics cop for a major City like L.A. deserves better than someone whose only real claim to fame was having a badly scripted move remake starring Denzel and Travolta, named after her.

The time has past where the good people of the City of Los Angeles, and their elected officials (not generally "good" people), should have to put up with the antics of this commission, and that's why today -- I am letting it be known that I will, myself, seek the Executive Director of Ethics position for L.A.

This isn't an elected or appointed position (although mayor & Council appointees do the hiring, so. . .) but that doesn't mean you can't all help me "win" that position.

Pester your favorite Ethics Commissioner, bribe them if you have to (hell, who's going to report THEM), but whatever you do, make sure I'm on the short list for that job, if you care anything about the abuse of "ethics" in the City, and want make sure it continues -- only with more precision and flare.

There will be NO foot-dragging such as some have suggested is happening with the Mayor's "Ticketgate" once I'm the Executive Director of City Ethics, for the simple reason that I will, (for budgetary reasons, of course), place a moratorium on investigating public officials -- especially if they're former clients of mine. Really, when was the last time the "fines" levied even made a dent in the cost of the investigation?

Instead, Ethics oversight will ONLY be used to beat down underfunded challengers of my friends and clients -- ridding us MUCH sooner in the process of those who just waste all of our time thinking they can "win" over incumbents.

(Let's get real. The little self-nominated "Davids" who keep popping up are pretty tiresome, don't you think. Goliaths are a HELL of a lot more fun to party with and accompany on junkets.)

If candidates can receive matching funds from the taxpayers for simply running for office, I say cut out the annoying middlemen, and just use the City's Ethics offices to assassinate the character of wanna-bes directly.

We can also reduce the department's budget by up to 80 percent, and get rid of all those troublesome starry-eyed employees who originally joined to help "clean up" City Government. Jeez, that's like thinking you can "rehab" Lindsay Lohan.

Oh, and I plan to have an honest and transparent regime. For that reason, the slogan of the operation will be changed to a more accurate (and more easily achievable), "Perverting the Public Trust.

"I'm also doing this to get the jump on and Wacko Walter and P. Jennerjahn, either of which would just plain WALLOW in the position's nearly $200,000 annual salary, wasting it on things like room and board. I can put it to much better use. I'm already RICH. I'll use it for pure luxuries, like vacating streets near my home, thus helping the local economy even more.

July 19, 2010 4:30 PM

** This is political satire at its best.

Your thoughts..............

Scott Johnson in CD 14