Wednesday Soap Box

Well, it appears Sam's internet connection has Comcasticized. So it falls upon yours truly to put out the Wednesay soapbox, at 5:30 a.m., with just have a cup of Joe done so far. How does "Java" become "Joe?" Also, when did they start making soapboxes out of cardboard? In how many more years will that whole "soapbox" expression not make sense to people?

Okay, so the San Francisco City Council has apparently voted to ban plastic bags that cannot be recycled. Anyhow, Mayor Newsome -- insert back-stabbing punchline here -- is expected to sign it. Good for them. Why do we need non-recyclable bags? Even better, however, would be to charge separately for bags, to encourage people to bring their own.

Santa Ana school officials, in order to get more funding from the state (over $1000 per student), simply made up a classroom full of imaginary friends. Faux students are well-behaved, lucrative students.

Speaking of education, the L.A. Times reports that state regulations "require schools to make measurable progress toward closing the gap between whites and lower-achieving minority students." You know that's a dangerous way to word a standard, because it gives you three different ways to achieve the goal: i) focus on bringing up the scores of the "lower-achieving minority students;" ii) kick out the highest-achieving students, because that would "close the gap;" and/or iii) kick out the lowest-achieving students, which would have the same effect. Hey, I've got it! Pull a "Santa Ana," and simply make up a class full of brainiacs to boost scores!

About those scores: the Daily News reports that the LAUSD's scores on the state's Academic Performance Index hit a new high! Just kidding. They hit a new LOW, of course. Down 20 points in high school, from 622 to 602 -- on a scale of 200 to 1000! Yikes! Welcome to the factory where tomorrow's residents are made!

Villaraigosa and half of City Hall are in D.C., supposedly fighting to get us more money. Yeah, right. You notice how none of these trips ever requires going somewhere when the weather's crummy? Springtime in Washington is beautiful, thanks largely to Japan for giving us a jillion -- okay, 3000 -- cherry trees in 1912. Anyone know why they did that? Anyone? Anyone?

Here's the funniest line from the Daily News story on the boondoggle trip: "Meanwhile, Greuel traveled the halls with a copy of a recent report showing the value of goods shipped through the ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach to every congressional district in the nation."

Okay, I've got people to sue and contributions to solicit. You're on your own. Blog 'em if you got 'em.