Morning Briefs on the Los Angeles Political Machine for Tuesday

Mayor Sam proudly excerpts the Fifth Annual Downtown News "Happy City Hall-oween" via the Downtown News Editor and reigning "Scribe of Wit" Jon Regardie. 

Is that stare via a certain "Born to Raise Hell Homie" from City Terrace?

Its safe to say that in the middle of the final week of political campaigning, a comedic break is needed from the harsh rhetoric that has defined the 2012 Election proceedings. Thus, we bring you excerpts from the reigning Los Angeles Political Satirist (in this blogger's humble opinion), who also doubles as the Editor of the Downtown News, Jon Regardie's Fifth Edition of a "Happy City Hall-oween"! Enjoy!

On the pending invasion from the .......

Zombies From the North: You approach the building from the South Lawn. You’re amazed at the grace of the structure and think of the great leaders who have been here before, even if you suddenly can’t remember any of their names. Then, you hear a low, moaning sound. You look and see a Sacramento politician — is that Assemblyman Gil Cedillo? — zombie stumbling your way. Then another, who looks just like state Sen. Curren Price, appears, doing the same botched shuffle. “Walking Dead” style zombies who resemble assemblymen Felipe Fuentes, Mike Davis and Bob Blumenfield are there as well. “Innnnnnsiiiiide,” they rumble. “One hundredddddddd sevennnnnnnty ninnnnnnne thousand dollarrrrrrrs a yearrrrrrrrrr!” Suddenly you realize — they all want to leave Sacramento and win high-paying City Council posts, and they’ll kill to do it! You scamper inside and slam the door, not knowing how long you can keep them at bay.

...... and what political incarnation will a certain City Terrace Native assume in 2013?

You’re What?: There’s a sharp smack from a nearby room. You open the door and see a diminutive figure with the whitest teeth in the history of the world. He’s opposite a brunette TV news reader. She slaps him across the face, hard. “I’m the mayor!” he says. Is this some strange sexual thing? Before you can figure it out she slaps him again. “I’m the next governor!” Huh? She slaps him one more time. “I’m the future president!” he exclaims. She slaps him three more times, his head veering side to side, and at each sound of palm to flesh he repeats one of the lines. Smack! “I’m the mayor!” Smack! “I’m the next governor!” Smack! “I’m the future president!” Holy Chinatown, you realize, he believes everything he is saying. Smack! Smack! Smack! You want to watch but someone takes your elbow and guides you away. “Forget it,” the guiding figure says, “it’s City Hall.”

that satire must of hurt the soon to be former Mayor Antonio Villar.

** CD 5 City Councilman Paul Koretz is not masking the reality that Mayor Antonio Villar's dream of a 10,000 person police force (or in the words of Councilman Koretz, a magical illusion), may face a day of fiscal reckoning in the near future.

** City Attorney Carmen Trutanich went before the City Council's Budget and Finance Committee and rightfully stated that the proposed layoffs of fifty attorneys, would lead to adverse rulings in court against the City of Los Angeles.

.......... more updated news in the A.M.

** Eastern San Gabriel Valley Assemblyman Roger Hernandez was on the receiving end of an "emergency protective order" after an altercation between him and a "lady friend" Sunday evening. Hernandez you may remember, had these issues in Northern California.

Hernandez, a former West Covina City Councilman, was arrested by Concord police on suspicion of drunken driving just after 2 a.m. March 27.After a seven-day trial, a 12-person jury in August found Hernandez not guilty of one misdemeanor count of driving under the influence.Last month, a Contra Costa judge dismissed a second misdemeanor count of driving with a blood-alcohol level of 0.08 or higher that the jury was hung on.

Lets not forget that all the above took place while Hernandez was "entertaining" a lovely, female lobbyist in a state vehicle.

** The Old Gray Hag on Spring Street allocates a generous amount of story budget, to chronicle the democratic congressional battle between Congresswoman Laura Richardson and Congresswoman Janice Hahn. These two ladies can teach fellow Congressional colleagues Howard Berman and Brad Sherman, a thing or two about dignified campaigning.


Your thoughts ..............
Scott Johnson in CD 14