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Thursday, February 12, 2015

Bonfire of the Absurdities in CD6 - With Large Sodas

Nice Room Design
That latest creation in the world of faux public engagement, the neighborhood council sponsored "candidates' forum" reared it's moderately ugly head in Van Nuys, when the local certificates and donuts panel hosted CD6 candidates, incumbent Nury Martinez and challenger, Cindy Montanez Wednesday evening. Two great Valley based blogs, the legendary Here in Van Nuys and the photo-rific Up in the Valley both chronicled the event and offered up a delightful buffet of quips and observations we share with you now.

Up in the Valley: "Nury Martinez has Good Hair. Even by lofty Latina standards, Latinas being
Get me - THAT Girl!
naturally advantaged in all matters coiffure, Nury has gorgeous, telenovela quality hair."

Here in Van Nuys: "The room was packed but badly arranged. The seating favored the 19 council members who had box seats. But the candidates were pushed off to the side, forcing the audience to rotate their necks at a 45-degree angle. If the VNCC cannot design a room for debate how can they design Van Nuys at large?"

Up in the Valley"Cindy’s no slouch in the hair department herself, though. She’s abandoned the pantsuits of 2013 and adopted a kind of I-shop-at-Costco-just-like-the-rest-of-you-Van Nuysians look."

Here in Van Nuys: "Candidates discussed Obesity, which garbs modern Van Nuys as white gloves and hats did in the 1940s, by offering bananas, water and apples at 7-Eleven checkouts. Later on, the council would adjourn to devour cake, 2 liter sized drinks and 12-inch long, mayonnaise-laden sandwiches."

Care to join me at Costco, Cindy?
Up in the Valley: "In matters pertaining to the Great Wide Realm Over Which the Council Has No Authority, they offered opinions freely. Alternative energy? Yea. Fracking? Nay. GMO foods? Double Nay."

Here in Van Nuys: "The two hour debate, moderated by a gavel pounding council, was then handed over to the smock garbed loud lady with the white hair and big gulp drink who got up and danced in front of the room screaming loudly about video conferencing in an insane demonstration of free speech and performance art."

Up in the Valley: "Nury….I’m not sure what’s going on there. She’s hanging on to a rather baroque accent for a college graduate raised in the United States."
Thirsty, anyone?

Here in Van Nuys: "Ms. Martinez has evolved into a fierce housecleaner who wants to clean the streets of discarded refuse and disdained prostitutes. But Ms. Montañez had murder on her mind last night, with a strange remark that she would rather have a couch on her curb than a dead body."

Seems like just another evening in the world of Department of Neighborhood Empowerment inspired chūnori like performances.

(Photo credits: Andy Hurvitz, Andreas Samson, Cindy Montanez campaign)

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