Open Letter to City of Los Angeles Employees
Dear City Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the City of Los Angeles has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the City to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the City deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the City.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The City has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of Antonio Villaraigosa (assuming he is in Los Angeles), who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of DWP electricity, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Your thoughts as I LOL!..........................