ZUMA DOGG's Coastal Commission Report -- LIVE from Malibu

My name's "Zuma" Dogg for a reason. Before I migrated to Venice, I produced a public access show in Malibu, that aired seven nights a week for the past six years. Today, since I have a 4:30pm call time in Malibu for the WHITESTARR reality show, video shoot -- I am spending my day, boucing around Malibu wi-fi spots along Pacific Coast Highway. And here are two items regarding Zuma Dogg's favorite coast, and favorite place to park his van.

COUNTY TO SPEND $1 MILLION FOR OCEAN DNA TEST: Polution levels in the Pacific Ocean, all along the coast is disgustingly and unsafely polluted, especially in Malibu, and Zuma Dogg and his hang-ten homies might catch an ear infection or die from the "waste". And the DNA Grissom will testing, is to see whether it is waste from animals, or millionaires.

You see, there are living things that swim around in the ocean, out there...but it seem ponderous, f*cking ponderous that dolphins could be creating so much pollution. So some people say, it could be from them millionaires' fancy masions that may be spewing their septic waste straight into the ocean, since Malibu doesn't have a waste treatment plant.

So tell Brass to stand by. The county is about to come down on these millionaire toxic waste dumpers. And doesn't former Mayor and School takeover founder, Richard Riorend live in Malibu, in the heart of the toxicity? Hope he can step in to help solve any problems, should CSI find the rich and famous, "GUILTY" of toxic waste dumping from the toilets our Mayor's supporters work so hard to clean.

DON'T BUILD THAT F*CKING NATURAL GAS REFINERY 3 MILES OUT ON THE OCEAN: First of all, 3 miles is a bad number, cause it reminds people of 3 mile island. And this is just as big of a disaster, waiting to happen, if Pierce Brosnan, Zuma Dogg and Darryl Hannah can't stop it.

They want to ship in natural gas from overseas (even though there is an abundant supply, here in America) -- then store it in a big refinery 3 miles off the shore of Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu/Ventura County area. BUT THEY AREN'T JUST STORING IT, THEY ARE PROCESSING IT LIKE A METH FACTORY CREATES METH. Here's the rundown:

First, they take PERFECTLY good natural gas, that is cheaper and burns cleaner than other sources. Cool! BUT FIRST, they want to freeze the overseas supply of natural gas, to turn it into liquid. (I guess it's easier to store it that way, cause it's more condensed. That's the only thing I could think of.) Then they store it. THEN, when they want to use it;

THEY HAVE TO HEAT IT BACK UP TO TURN IT BACK TO NATURAL GAS. (Like freezed dried ramen noodles ZD lives off.)
ONLY ONE PROBLEM, Y'ALL!!! When you start to using "heat" and "gas" together, that becomes a volitile situation, y'all.

All it takes is one little "O" ring to break a seal, and they gonna get a fireworks display in Malibu, bigger than Barbara Striesand's yearly 4th of July shoot-off!!! Plus, what if some mischievous pirate wants to blow it up. It's easily accessable -- all the wrong person would have to do is crash a boat into it.

PLUS: The BIG thing they keep telling these Malibu superstars protesting the situation, is "don't worry, y'all...it's all done in the ocean, far, far away. EXCEPT ONE PROBLEM, Y'ALL...If it's stuck way out in the ocean, that means you are gonna be running pipes. And those pipes are gonna lead back to an on-land storage facility. Now who would want one of those near THEIR house. I know Zuma Dogg don't want it near his van...Oh, I have an idea...Let's put the gas holders near the person's house who came up with this bright idea. (Hopefully not too bright, as in mushroom cloud explosion bright.)

Cause all it would take is one of them little "O" rings to crack and it's, "goodbye wildlife and no more surfing in the Bu, y'all -- and THAT, would TRULY be a TERRIBLE day for the City of Los Aneles.

So you gotta aks yourself, "Why would someone want to take perfectly useable natural gas, convert it to liquid, then go through the risky process of heating it back up and converting it back?

It costs a lot of money to freeze it down to liquid and convert it back to it's orignal form. So who would want to spend extra money for that? How about the people who came up with the technology for this process. I mean, after all, why create a technology if we can't make money using it? So they lobbied harder than ZD lobbied about Prop. H -- and they may get this endangered speicies act worst nightmare of a project above water. Hope it's worth the environmental and security risks. It's not like you can't just use the sh*t in it's natural (gas) form, y'all.

What's up with this, y'all. Did ZD get spun by a Malibu local, or is he right as hell? Comments please. And now, it's time to log off the wi-fi and drive down the coast a couple minutes for my 4:30pm call time. TRIUMPHANTNESS, Y'ALL!

BONUS VIDEO: The Venice Outlaws, One Year Anniversary Re-Cap, produced by guitar legend, Matt "Pacific Breeze Back on the Boardwalk" Dowd. Matt, if this reality pilot doesn't come through, maybe you can take your Venice Beach lawsuit money and produce a show for us!!!

(Coming after the video shoot: ZUMA DOGG POSTS THE JUDGE'S PRELIMINARY RULING!!! (Companion to this video.)